I'm back again for another dance diary update! I haven't posted much this week because this week was my first week back to college. I am now a senior and will be graduating college in less than 9 months! I am so excited about that so I can work for my country's top ballet company permentently!
Enough about that then! I worked at the company in the morning and did the stuff I always did so that was pretty much boring.
As for class. I hate to admit this but I want to be honest and say I think I did horrible this week. I mean it wasn't too advance or anything but I just seemed out of it. Last week I felt so confident and ready to be a ballerina again and now I just fell flat on my face, not literally because that would be bad and embarrassing, I just feel like I didn't do my best.
I kept forgetting about my arms when I was concentrating so hard to keep my feet straight and try to pointe my feet perfectly. I would get corrected so many times. The teacher would say, "Jackie, remember arms," and I would fix them and then I forgot to turn out my feet and she would say. "Jackie, those feet are not turned out." I felt like I was a mess.
After the barre I thought I would do better but the teacher had to ntroduce jumps and I wasnt to ready for that. I mean I am overweight as it is and when I jump and try to land gracefully I make a huge thump and would be embarrsed because I am the biggest one there. I tried to do the steps but I couldn't stop hearing that thump I made and the way my thighs clapped together. I know I shouldn't be ashamed because I am there to lose weight and that was my goal to be a ballerina again.
For me, I think one of my biggest problem that day was I was so happy from last week I let my confidence go and wasn't that determined. I was also worrying about my leotard and my shorts were bunching up on me. Lesson learned that I need a new leotard and a ballet skirt or something I feel confident in. My ballet shoes were a little off that session too and I had to readjust them several times. I should make sure they fit better for next week.
I can't let this class day let me down or else I know I won't go back and I know I can easily convince myself to do something or not do it. I should take my own advice and just suck it up. There will be better days and I might have another worse one but I cannot let that stop me. I wish I could of said this to myself when I was in class but I was so focused on trying to remember everything and just do better.
Did anyone feel this when they had a bad day at dance. My teacher didn't say anything bad but I am beating myself up over nothing. I hope next week I am better and really go in there with a smile and be as confident as possible. This is why I put off writing this blog post. Now that I have I feel better and I know I can do better and improve for next week.
Also that is a picture of me! I thought I would take one and look at it and say I am a ballerina again. I need to work on it more but looking at that picture just makes me happy seeing I can improve and do better.
xo
Jackie
Hi Jackie!
ReplyDeleteI was so excited reading about your first two ballet classes as an adult re-starter! I'm so happy for you, and so glad you did it!
I just have to say, stop beating yourself up! You can't expect perfection, you can only expect improvement week to week. Just being back, you need to teach your body the muscle memory again. Right now you are remembering HOW to do the moves, and your mind knows exactly what you SHOULD be doing, but your body doesn't. I went through it, and I think every new or re-starter experiences the same thing. It's frustrating, and I didn't really start improving until I got over my bewilderment that my body just couldn't do it perfectly or as my mind new it should.
For me, arms were interesting at first. I've always had nicely rounded and stretched arms, but port de bras was a crazy concept for my body. They really only solidified when I felt comfortable with what my legs were doing. Once my legs remembered, the arms came easy because I didn't need to think about my legs and feet constantly.
I've cried in class before for just having a weird day. Like I said, you can only expect improvement, not perfection. Ballet is hard, but so worth it. :)
Happy Dancing!! Can't wait to read more.
It's fine, we all have our bad days! Also, I'm an overweight dancer too and it really does help to have a leotard and cover you're comfortable in. http://www.ggskirts.com/ has some really nice ballet skirts. And when you're landing leaps, don't worry about how loud it sounds when you hit the ground. In my class, the skinniest, shortest girl always made the loudest landings! The only thing you should worry about in landing is rolling through your feet and being sure to plie, which both prevent injuries and can reduce loudness. Keep dancing, I can't wait to hear about your next class!
ReplyDelete