I'm back again for another dance diary update! I haven't posted much this week because this week was my first week back to college. I am now a senior and will be graduating college in less than 9 months! I am so excited about that so I can work for my country's top ballet company permentently!
Enough about that then! I worked at the company in the morning and did the stuff I always did so that was pretty much boring.
As for class. I hate to admit this but I want to be honest and say I think I did horrible this week. I mean it wasn't too advance or anything but I just seemed out of it. Last week I felt so confident and ready to be a ballerina again and now I just fell flat on my face, not literally because that would be bad and embarrassing, I just feel like I didn't do my best.
I kept forgetting about my arms when I was concentrating so hard to keep my feet straight and try to pointe my feet perfectly. I would get corrected so many times. The teacher would say, "Jackie, remember arms," and I would fix them and then I forgot to turn out my feet and she would say. "Jackie, those feet are not turned out." I felt like I was a mess.
After the barre I thought I would do better but the teacher had to ntroduce jumps and I wasnt to ready for that. I mean I am overweight as it is and when I jump and try to land gracefully I make a huge thump and would be embarrsed because I am the biggest one there. I tried to do the steps but I couldn't stop hearing that thump I made and the way my thighs clapped together. I know I shouldn't be ashamed because I am there to lose weight and that was my goal to be a ballerina again.
For me, I think one of my biggest problem that day was I was so happy from last week I let my confidence go and wasn't that determined. I was also worrying about my leotard and my shorts were bunching up on me. Lesson learned that I need a new leotard and a ballet skirt or something I feel confident in. My ballet shoes were a little off that session too and I had to readjust them several times. I should make sure they fit better for next week.
I can't let this class day let me down or else I know I won't go back and I know I can easily convince myself to do something or not do it. I should take my own advice and just suck it up. There will be better days and I might have another worse one but I cannot let that stop me. I wish I could of said this to myself when I was in class but I was so focused on trying to remember everything and just do better.
Did anyone feel this when they had a bad day at dance. My teacher didn't say anything bad but I am beating myself up over nothing. I hope next week I am better and really go in there with a smile and be as confident as possible. This is why I put off writing this blog post. Now that I have I feel better and I know I can do better and improve for next week.
Also that is a picture of me! I thought I would take one and look at it and say I am a ballerina again. I need to work on it more but looking at that picture just makes me happy seeing I can improve and do better.
xo
Jackie
