Dance Diary | 3rd Week of Ballet

I did better this week! I still feel like I could do better but I wasn't so disappointed or sad when I got home. So class this week started out the same as the previous weeks. We did the same barre excersizes and added a few new moves. I forgot though how much grand plies hurt. We did more of those and my thighs were screaming by the time we were done.

This week we did focous on more strecting and trying to get our muscles flexible instead of working on technique. I'm glad because I lost my flexibility after quiting for 5 years and I have got the basic moves down so getting strected out is better for me. We did stecthes for arabeque and other leg streches to really get loose. We did some barre stretches and then some floor stretches to really get it going and make ourselves more looser than we are. I discovered I have some tension and doing this made me more looser and calmer.

We also did some jumps in the center and since we were not doing it seriously we had fun with it and I didn't notice how bad I was at landing. It was quite fun jumping and not just doing the ballet moves but to actually just let go of the stress. My teacher thought it would be fun to end the class with some jumps and to loosen our muscles from the workout we just did.

After the class I did have to wear my leg warmers because it was cold and raining out and I knew that would be so bad for my now stretched out muscles. It did feel nice and warm and I left them on even though i took my dance clothes off. They seemed to comfy to get out off. But getting home I felt horrible and so sore already and I knew in the morning I would feel so bad and it did happen. I woke up with sore muscles especially my thighs and shoulders. I was expecting this the first day after ballet but this is the third week and I am now just sore. I guess it was going to come sooner or later. I did follow on and stretch so I could be more flexible.

I might have a conflict with school! I might need to go to a class on Saturda because the professors are changing the schudule around and I might miss dance because of it. I am trying to reason with them because I am working for the ballet school also and I'm not just dancing for the company. I hope this gets sorted because I am paying a lot of money for this and I intend on not quitting ballet.

I guess this week was okay and I am looking forward to next weeks as always!

xo 

Jackie

Goals I'd Like to Accomplish in Dance!

What do I want to accomplish in dance this year? I just wanted to procrastinate from an essay I am supposed to do and just write a blog post instead. I have been thinking about this and from my last dance diary I really need to make a few small goals I could accomplish to lift my spirits.

I listed some goals in my head that I wanted to achieve this dance year while waiting for my ballet class to start. It got me thinking and I think it would be good if I set up a few goals that can help me reach my dream of being a pointe dancer.  My dance year is from June to March so I technically just started.

Besides going en pointe I have some other things I want to do. I know I might have to wait a little longer to go en pointe so this is what I want to focus on so I can get there faster.

1. Do a pirouette perfectly again!

 I used to do them perfectly and I still can a little but I lost my balance and flexibility. I wish I could try and see if I could find my perfect pirouette again. 

2. Chroegraph a Tap routine.

I am far from being a perfect ballerina and I knew that way back then. My forte was tap and I was a little better at it than ballet. I just want to chreograph a whole tap number and be proud of it. I kind of want to teach at the dance company I work with and I need to get my tap routines going. 

3.Practice my technique.

I have a lot of work to do so I should get to practicing. 

4. Form a better arch.

I was told I had "Flinstone Feet" and then I was told I had good arches. I just want to improve my arch and mold it so I could have better feet. I know it will make me feel better if I had dancer feet but I can only try and to improve the ones I already have.

5. Just be a better dancer all around!

I just want to work on being a good dancer. I might not get to prima ballerina but I want to reach ballerina according to my definition of it. I just want to see myself progress and mold into something I would have never dreamed of and especially more graceful.

Do you have any dance goals you really want to achieve? I know I want to focus on these and then add more and see how far I get. I really wish I could do dance permanently again but for now I have to finish school and then have the possibilities be endless.

*weheartit

xo 

Jackie

Dance Diary | 2nd Week of Ballet

I'm back again for another dance diary update! I haven't posted much this week because this week was my first week back to college. I am now a senior and will be graduating college in less than 9 months! I am so excited about that so I can work for my country's top ballet company permentently!

Enough about that then! I worked at the company in the morning and did the stuff I always did so that was pretty much boring.

As for class. I hate to admit this but I want to be honest and say I think I did horrible this week. I mean it wasn't too advance or anything but I just seemed out of it. Last week I felt so confident and ready to be a ballerina again and now I just fell flat on my face, not literally because that would be bad and embarrassing, I just feel like I didn't do my best.

I kept forgetting about my arms when I was concentrating so hard to keep my feet straight and try to pointe my feet perfectly. I would get corrected so many times. The teacher would say, "Jackie, remember arms," and I would fix them and then I forgot to turn out my feet and she would say. "Jackie, those feet are not turned out." I felt like I was a mess.

After the barre I thought I would do better but the teacher had to ntroduce jumps and I wasnt to ready for that. I mean I am overweight as it is and when I jump and try to land gracefully I make a huge thump and would be embarrsed because I am the biggest one there. I tried to do the steps but I couldn't stop hearing that thump I made and the way my thighs clapped together. I know I shouldn't be ashamed because I am there to lose weight and that was my goal to be a ballerina again.

For me, I think one of my biggest problem that day was I was so happy from last week I let my confidence go and wasn't that determined. I was also worrying about my leotard and my shorts were bunching up on me. Lesson learned that I need a new leotard and a ballet skirt or something I feel confident in. My ballet shoes were a little off that session too and I had to readjust them several times. I should make sure they fit better for next week. 

I can't let this class day let me down or else I know I won't go back and I know I can easily convince myself to do something or not do it. I should take my own advice and just suck it up. There will be better days and I might have another worse one but I cannot let that stop me. I wish I could of said this to myself when I was in class but I was so focused on trying to remember everything and just do better.

Did anyone feel this when they had a bad day at dance. My teacher didn't say anything bad but I am beating myself up over nothing. I hope next week I am better and really go in there with a smile and be as confident as possible. This is why I put off writing this blog post. Now that I have I feel better and I know I can do better and improve for next week.

Also that is a picture of me! I thought I would take one and look at it and say I am a ballerina again. I need to work on it more but looking at that picture just makes me happy seeing I can improve and do better.

xo

Jackie

Dance Diary | My First Class!

I did it! I actually did it! I took my first dance class again after 5 years!

I am over the moon right now and just so happy. I cannot believe I did it though.

So the night before I couldn't really sleep and I knew that was bad for me because for one I had to get up early to head to the dance company for my internship and two because the class was at 3 in the afternoon and that would be the time I start losing it and feel the most tired. But I did get a good night sleep in the end and woke up refreshed. When I did get up fully I started having a stomach ache and I have no idea why. I didnt eat or drink coffee and just left after I got everything together.

If you didnt know I work for a ballet company. I am an intern there and that inspired me to get back into dance and most importantly ballet. So when I got there I went up to my best friend who is also the registrar of the dance school. She was the first friend I made there. I enrolled myself and she was so happy for me because I finally did after all these months I've been complaining to her that I miss it. SHe was the one who really convinced me and I really thank her for it. After I got all signed up, I had to work with her in the dance shop. SInce it was the 2nd week of the new dance school year a lot of moms were buying their daughters leotards and tights. I handled that 'till about 12:30 until I went for lunch.

I was counting down the hours 'till class and I kept asking Jacque (we have the same name which is so funny and cool) questions about the class and was helping her enroll more students. I kept listening in to see if any of my classmates were going to be coming to the front desk but there was no luck. I kept busy until 2:30 and tried to keep my mind on maintaing the dance shop.

When it was time for me to get dressed I got to use the artistic director's dressing room because I was an empolyee there which was great because I didn't have to travel 2 flights of stairs to get to a changing room. Once I put everything on I remembered how hard it was to put tights on and to get it to fit perfectly and how you want it on your body. After I got that done I was all dressed and I felt amazing to be dressed as a ballerina again. Words cannot describe how good and confident I felt when I was dressed like that.

When it was time for class that is when my nervousness and fear came back. I didn't feel ready and felt so shy and scared unlike my previous happy state I was a few minutes ago. Jacque talked me through it pushed me but the public relation guy came down and requested me to plan an event for the upcoming production the company was having. I was glad that Jacque told him I had class and I would do it next Saturday or email him the details during the week. I was also glad he wasn't mad and encouraged me to do it.

I knew the teacher because I have been working there for a couple of months. The worst part was that she was the school principal of the whole dance school and was very strict. I was even more nervous when I found out she was going to be teaching the class permenently. I sucked it up though and hugged Jacque for good luck.

I put on my ballet shoes and took deep breaths. We warmed up for about 5 minutes because we are now advised to be warmed up and limber before her class which will be hard for me since I don't have much time before the class because I am working there also. Next time though I am definitely taking the hour off to get ready and warmed up.

We did most things at the barre which was good because I always liked the barre routines. When she taught the steps I was glad I got them right away. I really thought I was going to do terriable and I prepared myself for it but I shouldn't really think negatively like I do cause it turned out fine. I did have a hard time with my ankle a couple times but it didn't bother me much when I started to move it more.

The proudest thing though was I didn't get many corrections to straighten out my foot or anything. I really thought I would be the one always getting yelled at for doing something wrong but it was the girl in front of me. I also got complmented of my turnout and I have good arches. I was told when I was going to start pointe at 11 that I had "Flinstone Feet" and I could never go en pointe. I was probably too young and my arches weren't formed that well yet. If the teacher had told me I was too young then I would have understood. But when our teacher said that I had pretty good arches that made me so excited that maybe one day I could reach my dream and go en pointe.

The class was pretty simple and I actually enjoyed being back. I know they say don't worry and it will be fine in the end and I can say it is true. It was a good hour workout and I was surprised I wasn't out of breath so easily. I actually did it and wasnt a bag full of sweat. I was sweaty but I was worried I would just be pouring buckets but I didnt and I was so glad. It is a good workout for me and I'll continue.

After class I headed back to the office with the teacher and she asked if I was going to continue and I said yes. I am sticking with this no matter what. Once in the office the staff were asking if I took a class and I nodded and it felt good saying that I took a class and was back to dancing. 

So overall my class was good and I am glad to be back. I know why I quit a few years back because it is so displined and strict but since I have background I know I won't quit so easily anymore. I am going to stick through this and I will get to my dream of going en pointe and becoming a ballerina again.

I hope you enjoyed my story of my first ballet class. Also please tell me if you were nervous to like I was so I don't feel like such a loser for being so worried. I'll update about my class again next week. 

xo 

Jackie

Dance Haul

I needed to pick up some stuff so I can start dancing again so I went to the mall and decided just to get some stuff that will last me for a couple of months. Doing this really inspired me to get back into dance and is making me so excited as I look at everything. It's like it is finally real and I can begin ballet again.

Ballet Shoes | So Dance
These are the only ones that fit! (enter sad face here) The dance store I went to didn't have much stock so I had to get these ones. They are pretty tight too which is kind of bad but I had to get them for now and order another pair later. I never had a ballet slipper like this so I am curious to try it out. It is actually a size 9 and I am a size 11 but they stretch and fit my foot. The only problem I might have is the elastic is kind of tight so I might have to replace those soon.

Tights | Danskin & Body Wrappers
I cannot find my tights anywhere so I decided to just pick up more. I mean you can't have too many tights because you are always in them and you are strecthing them out all the time. I got a brown one and 2 pinks because I miss wearing the browns ones when I did tap and I am trying to do some tap in my spare time so these will be perfect. I always used Danskin since I started dance so you can say I got used to the color and fit of these pink ones. Mine never ripped or got runs but they did get loser which is normal but if I could find my old pairs in the million of boxes I have they would still probably be good.

Leg Warmers | Capezio
I never had legwarmers because I didnt have a need for them and another reason was because my mom hated them and wouldn't let me get them but now that I am older and paid for it with my own money then she can't stop me. I love the pink and they are nice and thick which I wanted. I really want to pick up ones that have the hole for the pointe shoes next.

Hair Donut | Claire's
I didnt mean to get one but I did and I am glad I did because it works around the house too. I have long curly and hard to manage hair so I can never make a perfect bun and when I was little my mom would make such an ugly bun on me that it just looked weird. With this hair donut I have kind of got a perfect bun but I still need to practice.

Bobby Pins | Dollar Store
A must to keep that perfect ballet bun in place. If I lived with my boyfriend, I know he would hate seeing them around the apartment and plus there is 200 pieces so that is alot and I bet I could lose all of them in less than a week.I hope I can keep an eye out on these because it would be a pain to buy more.

That is what I bought. I didn't get a leotard cause I had one but I might get a spare later on since I have only 1 good one and another one that is too fancy for class. I hope you enjoy my recent dance goodies. I really wanted splurge since I started again and it makes me feel good.

Also tomorrow is the day! I have counted down and finally the day of my first ballet class has come. I hope I can sleep tonight but I have a feeling I might not get much. I am just so anxious and nervous and just so many emotions are running through my mind. I will definietely tell you tomorrow about what happens

xo

Jackie

Thoughts on Starting Dance Again

How do I feel about starting ballet again after 5 years?

I feel so very excited but at the same time I'm nervous. I know it is normal to feel this way but I can't help myself sometimes. I have questions in my mind asking me if I'm ready? Do I remember this stuff? Will anyone laugh at me because I am so bad? Am I too advance for a beginner class and will they think I am better than them? I hate not knowing the answers to my questions. I am so ready for this to happen and I want to start again really badly.

I have a few days before I start class and everyday for 30 minutes I try to remember what I learned from the past and do it in my bedroom. I don't know why I am so nervous and anxious because when I do the steps it comes to me naturally. I might be a little rusty but I remember the step and I feel so happy. My dad has been telling me practice makes perfect so I try and dedicate a few minutes out of my day to practice before I start class again. I have also been stretching when ever I get a chance so I hope I am still a little flexible from before.

This was just a post to let me calm myself. I really hate that I'm nervous when I shouldn't be. It is good to just vent and say what you are feeling. Whenever I talk to my family they seem to be tired of me talking about dancing 24/7 so I'm glad I started this blog so I can talk without people complaining that I do keep on blabbing about dance. I just hope everything goes okay and that I do a good job.

How was your experience when you started dance for the first time or are just getting back into things like me?  I'd really love to know and if you got any advice I can use or share I would love to hear it.

*weheartit

xo

Jackie

Why I Quit Dancing?

This was kind of difficult for me to write but I decided to do it so I can get passed it and start anew. If you want to know more about my dance past before reading this one please head over to this post. So the question is, why did I quit dancing?

I quit because I moved. A very simple answer, yes. Well, it's kind of not that simple. I didn't move to a new town nor a new state. I moved countries and for a 15 year old girl that is very difficult. I had to move from the US to the Philippines with my mother's family I didn't really know. My parents were to follow but you can see how difficult it was to be in a whole new country which is like a whole new world. Plus my parent's were moving our stuff so that meant I didn't see them for 3 years. You could see how I didn't want to get back into dance.

I found a studio close to my house and that was the only one that was semi-close to our house. I went to check it out but when I got there it was tiny. They're were hardly any dancers and no tap classes. I offered to help out but they said they didn't need any. I was discouraged because for most of my life dance was the most important thing I loved.

I decided to give up all together and just deal with it. I wanted to dance in my spare time but I didn't have the will anymore. I let myself go and started to eat away my sadness which was all I could do. I gained a lot of weight and then lost some and then gained some. This made it more impossible for me to get back into dance.

During our art class my freshman year of college, we had to go to a play. I hated plays but when I found out it was the Peter Pan Ballet that was being put on by the country's national ballet company I kind of got excited. When I went I cried and not because it was a bad or a sad performance but it was because I missed being on stage. I wasn't there to perform, I was there as an audience member and that hurt me. I missed everything about dancing and it lingered on my mind for a while. When I got home I searched this ballet company and found out they had a dance school too but the fees were far to expensive for a college student budget and my dad didn't want to pay for the transportation since it was out in the city and I lived 2 hours away in the country. I got a little more discouraged again.

When I was in my third year of college we had to go see another ballet with the same ballet company. It was a requirement since we were studying Shakespeare and they were putting on a ballet about A Midsummer's Night Dream. I wanted to go but yet again I knew I would feel sad but I went and I enjoyed it as always.

I finished my third year and all my classmates were talking about internships and I still hadn't found one. I decided to email the ballet company and asked if they had internships but I didn't get a reply. I thought I should go out and found a new internship but as soon as I was going to accept an interview with a magazine I got an email saying they would love to have me intern for them. The ballet company wanted me and I was so happy. I will post more about this story in another post talking about my internship with them as soon as I finish it.

That internship made me want to get into dancing again and to end this sad story, I am planning on taking some ballet classes with them. That is why I wanted to start a dance blog is to share my experience with fellow dancers.

I regret stopping and I wish I could have found out sooner about this ballet company but I guess it was just planned. I quit for 5 years. I stopped at 15 and I am hoping I can start again and keep going. Those 5 years I was lost and I didn't do anything dance related unless it was for school but when I did that it wasn't like ballet or tap, some of it was modern dance that I didn't get fond of. I just wish I hadn't wasted 5 years but I can't go back now and I am learning to deal with it and move forward.

My advice to dancers who feel like they want to quit or have quit dancing. Please DON'T. You might regret it to and just get on by if you really enjoy what you are doing like I did. If you already quit and are planning on getting back then DO IT. I think if you miss it that much it will make you want to come back and you will feel amazing about it.

That was my story of why I quit dancing and I am glad I got it out and I feel 100x better. I hope you enjoyed my story and I hope I inspire anyone to not quit what you love doing.

*weheartit

xo
Jackie